When arriving at the University of Ohio Experimental Crop Station, employees should always enter their personal identification number, enter the personal self-cleaning module, put on the appropriately-colored personal protection gear, before using the patented airlock system and entering the designated research areas. The safety of the entire Experimental Crop Station depends on prohibiting entry to non-Experimental Crop Station personnel and limiting contact with outside substances that may interfere with ongoing experiments.

There have been repeated attempts, over the last few months, by outside actors to gain access to the Experimental Crop Station and these incursions have had profound security implications.

Scenario Question

If, one day, a friend or loved one asks for your personal identification number, you should refuse to give it to them and immediately report this person to local Question Mark, OH, authorities as they may be in the employ of a chaos-aligned corporation or a foreign government on the verge of collapse.

While on duty at University of Ohio Experimental Crop Station, employees may be asked to interact with exciting, new, and possibly dangerous plant species. If during such an interaction, a plant specimen should attack, thrash, bite, entangle you, or attempt to read your mind, you should immediately return the specimen to their enclosure and seek medical attention right away. Failure to immediately return to the specimen to their enclosure may result in injuries to other employees and a state-wide or large-scale contamination event. Please report any and all negative interactions with dangerous species with your direct supervisor.

Scenario Question

If, during your shift, you are asked to move a dangerous plant specimen from one enclosure to another and the plant sprays an intoxicating mist of chemicals into your eyes, causing you to recall your most precious, childhood memory but inflicting no other obvious damage, you should immediately place the specimen in its new enclosure and seek medical attention then alert your supervisor.

During your appointed fifteen minute personal break, you should be careful not to discuss details of any ongoing experiments with any other crop station employees. You should refrain from eating and drinking in a non-designated area as doing so may lead to cross-contamination, ingestion of toxins, paralysis, and/or death. You should never eat or drink anywhere near the experimental specimen enclosures. Employees should refrain from smoking while on the experimental campus. Speaking to other employees in front of experimental plant species is also not suggested.

Scenario Question

If, on your shift, a coworker is celebrating their birthday and offers you a slice of birthday cake, you should politely decline.

While on duty, you may be asked to handle significantly hazardous materials and to properly dispose of these highly-contaminated substances. As a crop station employee, you should always use the patented incinerator system, carefully closing and locking the incinerator door.

In case of a localized contamination-event, you should implement lock-down procedures in the affected area. You should then assume the protected, prone position by kneeling on the floor, covering your eyes with your right hand, tucking your head into your right shoulder to cover your right ear, covering your left ear with your left hand, slowing your breathing, and waiting for the arrival of a decontamination crew. Please do not use this time to call loved ones.

In the case of a station-wide contamination event, employees should always use the purge system and should avoid using the exterior vents. In the case of a large-scale contamination crisis, employees should use the exterior events but only for less than twenty-one seconds. Using the exterior vents for more than twenty-one seconds may result in a region-wide contamination event.

Scenario Question

If, during your shift, a leak is detected from an experiment with highly-reactive spores, you should immediately implement lock-down procedures in the affected area and contact your supervisor. You should then assume the protected, prone position and slow your breathing. You should try not to focus on the danger that is engulfing you.

As a crop station employee, it is possible you may begin to develop feelings of empathy toward experimental species that may display the outward appearance of cognition and individualized personality. Please know plants are not capable of such properties and that such feelings are highly-discouraged. To avoid such complicated situations, the ECS has instituted confinement of certain species that may appear to display individual cognition to the Long-Term Study and Confinement Underground Wing.

Only employees with Level 5 Access are allowed entry into the Long-Term Study and Confinement Underground Wing. Employees who have developed empathy toward individual plant species should not enter the Long-Term Study and Confinement Underground Wing at any time. Instead they should report their feelings of empathy to their nearest supervisor and await a formal reprimand.

Scenario Question One

If, while in the employ of the Experimental Crop Station, you find yourself developing feelings of empathy toward Experimental Specimen Q-11952, you should immediately report these feelings of empathy to your supervisor.

True False

Correct Answers:
YOU HAVE PASSED YOUR SECURITY PROTOCOL SCENARIOS.

Incorrect

Scenario Question Two

If, while in the employ of the Experimental Crop Station, you find yourself developing feelings of empathy toward Experimental Specimen Q-11952, you should avoid giving the specimen the colloquial name of Q-eey and allow it to accompany you around the lab.

True False

Correct Answers:
YOU HAVE PASSED YOUR SECURITY PROTOCOL SCENARIOS.

Incorrect

Scenario Question Three

If, while in the employ of the Experimental Crop Station, you find yourself developing feelings of empathy toward Experimental Specimen Q-11952 because you recognize it is a specimen with an unprecedented appearance of cognition and demonstrates limitless energy potential and also slightly reminds you of a friend, loved one, or coworker who recently passed away, you should refrain from entering the Long-Term Study and Confinement Underground Wing and developing an escape plan.

True False

Correct Answers:
YOU HAVE PASSED YOUR SECURITY PROTOCOL SCENARIOS.

Incorrect

Scenario Question Four

If, while in the employ of the Experimental Crop Station, you find yourself developing feelings of empathy toward Experimental Specimen Q-11952, you should, under no circumstance, give your personal identification number to outsider visitors in order to help free Q-eey.

True False

Correct Answers:
YOU HAVE PASSED YOUR SECURITY PROTOCOL SCENARIOS.

Incorrect

Scenario Question Five

If, while in the employ of the Experimental Crop Station, you do decide to help free Q-eey, you should, under no circumstance, give maps or blueprints of the Experimental Crop Station with detailed instructions on how to access the Long-Term Study and Confinement Underground Wing.

True False

Correct Answers:
YOU HAVE PASSED YOUR SECURITY PROTOCOL SCENARIOS.

Incorrect

Scenario Question Six

You should, under no circumstance, instruct outside visitors on how to access the enclosure belonging to Experimental Specimen Q-11952. You should, under no circumstance, provide additional details about how to free Experimental Specimen Q-11952 from its enclosure and how to escape the Long-Term Study and Confinement Underground Wing through the laundry system, avoiding the Long-Term Study and Confinement Underground Wing’s rather outdated security protocols and thus freeing Experimental Specimen Q-11952 known colloquially as Q-eey.

True False

Correct Answers:
YOU HAVE PASSED YOUR SECURITY PROTOCOL SCENARIOS.

Incorrect

Scenario Question Seven

You should, under no circumstance, after helping outside visitors free Q-eey from its enclosure, the Long-Term Study and Confinement Underground Wing, and the Experimental Crop Station, stand in the woods with those same outside visitors and watch as Q-eey floats away toward a bright and as-yet-defined future. You should not shed a single tear and recognize the enormous sacrifice you have made in order to help this remarkable creature escape, realizing everything in your life seems to have led to this one particular moment. You should refrain from calling your mother and apologizing for what you said to her the last time you spoke. You should not seek employment at a less obviously dangerous and ethically-questionable research laboratory. You should not remember Q-eey every time you experience a single glimmer of hope.

Incorrect Answers: .
YOUR EMPLOYMENT HAS BEEN TERMINATED.